Eeekk!

Studying during the holidays is a joke. Seriously, how is anyone suppose to focus on lecture notes and exam material during this time of the year? Really, people like myself wait all year for winter break. The last thing I need to worry about are assignments and studying for the exam that takes place the day I return to class. Blah. Right now, Anatomy is the last thing on my mind. But it's gotta be done. In order for me to succeed in this field, I need to treat nursing as more than a career path, more than a profession. I'm going to have to make it a lifestyle. Yes, I shall breathe, eat, and snore all things related to nursing.

End rant.

***

I'm working on my current state of mind, which is going through a real rough time. Winter blues perhaps? I'm aiming to clear out the clutter in my head and to start off the new year like the Energizer Bunny. Old wounds heal slowly, very.. very.. slowly. But they do heal. The physical ailments appear to be easier to deal with. The emotional, however, take time. The wound heals, but it leaves a nasty scar. A scar that is a constant reminder of what we've endured. A reminder for us on the days when we forget just how strong we are. 

I'm still learning, I'm still growing. I just wish some scars were easier to live with. 

Wishing

It's Christmas Eve and I'm sitting in my bed. My brain has reminded me of a conversation I had a few days ago. A friend in Anatomy class asked if I had made a wish this holiday season. I finished that conversation with a half-hearted reply of "It's complicated" and joked about how the wish should be materialistic and self-centered. I was smiling, but inside I could feel the pangs of loss. My thoughts were hundreds of miles away, focused on The Boy. He's the missing half of my soul, my best-friend, and is no longer a part of my life. I'm old enough to understand the concept of Santa Clause is for the amusement of young children. Although right now I wish there were a Santa. Because I have a wish I'd like granted. It is a bit selfish, self-centered even. But it comes from deep inside this aching heart. This holiday season, I want nothing more than my faith in love to be restored. Call it a wish, or a prayer, but the fundamentals of it are simple. So Santa, it would be great if this year you could please leave me a bag of hope.

'Tis the Season...

Jitterbugs

Even though I've just begun my nursing education, I can sense the nervousness settle in. I do feel nervous... tense. As a child, I would tell my parents I wanted to work in a hospital. My decisions during my college days, however, steered me away from this childhood dream. I've explored plenty of other career options, but none have been able to keep my attention for more than a few months. Medicine is my calling; And coming to terms with these four small words has taken me a very long time. The nervousness I feel now is excitement, it's a sense of joy. I feel nervous knowing that I am finally going down the path I've wanted to be on.  So why am I so nervous, shouldn't I be singing from the rooftops? The expectations I've placed on myself are what make me nervous. I have a passion for this field, therefore I feel great pressure from myself to do exceptionally well. Pressure and self-expectations seem to go hand in hand. 

I'm hoping to employ this nervousness to keep myself on my toes. :)